I Felt the Symptoms of No Hope
by How Many Seconds
Summary: Adam loves Jonny, it's as simple as that- Jonny is Adam's younger brother, after all- and without him his life would crumble. Unfortunately, he never expected his grandmothers wedding to bring about such ill news. A Friday Night Dinner FanFic(M)


**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer: These characters are _not_ my own****, they were created by Robert Popper. No copyright infringement intended, no profit being made. **

**Rated M/MA: for descriptions of brain cancer, traumatic events and swearing. **

**A Friday Night Dinner FanFiction. **

**For some odd reason, my line breaks will not save when I edit documents so I will keep trying to get this issue resolved; i****n the meantime, enjoy and thank you for reading. **

* * *

Jonny Goodman pulled upon his uncomfortably tight, buttoned collar and leaned heavily against the synagogue pillar- wanting to curse his mother for making him and his brother pageboys for their grandmothers wedding- wishing that the simple acts would be enough to ease the heat within the room and settle his unclear vision that was causing him such intense faintness. He kept glancing down at his left wrist, wanting to know how long he would have to remain within the heated synagogue: wanting nothing but mere fresh air; alas- the more he observed his watch- the more he watched the minutes tick, the more his sensations of illness persisted. Every time he felt his actions aiding the sensations of illness, he would observe his watch- wanting to know how long he would have to remain within the heated synagogue- and would return to square fucking one: the unwanted sensations of illness becoming renewed with each look. To worsen his situation, he had been cursed with an unpleasant headache for several weeks: something he didn't appreciate, especially when being in such heat- especially at such a moment- the heat only worsening his ill head. Moaning, attracting the attentions of those within the synagogue: much to the husband-to-be: Lou's annoyance- Jonny leant even more so upon the synagogue pillar, desperate to remain stood: despite how difficult remaining stood was becoming. Jonny felt his heart- uncomfortably- colliding against his chest: noticing the amount of attention he had attracted.

"Pissface?" Questioned his older brother: Adam- receiving no response from his sibling- noticing as his brother leant heavily upon the synagogue pillar: his brother's complexion unusual and unsettling. It must've been the tenth time Jonny's name had been called by each of his relatives, though he had said nothing in return: not able to say anything, considering how ill he felt.

"Jonny; what's the matter?" His mother: Jackie ordered, interrupting the wedding by approaching her son, concerned for her son's wellbeing: placing a comforting hand upon her sons shaking, now-porcelain wrist: noticing as he became tensed. Still- despite the pleads of his relatives- Jonny remained silent, _everything_ beginning to become unpleasantly darkened and unclear, increasing his feelings of faintness. By now, it was obvious that his sensations of illness were being noticed by each of his relatives and- without doubt- it was creating concern amongst the collection of people who had gathered for the wedding: especially, when he attempted to intake breath which manifested as massive, excruciating swallows of air.

"Jonny-?" Whispered his father: Martin, his voice shocked into a strained whisper: wanting to understand what was wrong with his youngest son. "What the shitting shit is the matter?" By now, a collection was starting to form around the ill Goodman: each person unable to do anything but watch the events unfold. By now, even Adam had abandoned his position as pageboy and was attempting to aid his little brother: trying to understand what was happening.

"Jonny?"

Jonny's eyes- suddenly- became sensitive to the amount of light surrounding him: his faintness worsening per second, causing him to scrunch his eyes shut in desperation. Jonny's expression contorted, trying to comprehend what was happening- trying to comprehend what he was feeling-wanting to know what was the matter with himself.

"I-I-" Stuttered Jonny- attempting to observe the amount of people surrounding him, despite his feelings of faintness- his breaths laboured and uneven. Seconds later, each person within the room became startled as Jonny's eyes rolled within his head: body becoming flaccid.

"Shitting shit!" Moving quick, Adam noticed his brother's sudden flaccidness: successfully catching his falling brother within supportive arms, not allowing him the opportunity to hit the coarse synagogue tiling. Lowering his brother to the floor, Adam collected his brother into the cradle of his knees-stroking his matted hair in soothing motions.

"Someone call a fucking Ambulance; it's ok, Jonny- _everything_ will be ok- I promise." As Adam began to observe his brother- desperation evident within his expression- Jonny's body began to contort: muscle spasms tormenting each of his limbs. Spit dribbled from the corner of his mouth, leaking onto his brothers once-clean trousers: though- in this moment- Adam didn't care for the state of his trousers but the state of his brother. Adam cringed- noticing as the veins upon Jonny's hands and neck became prominent- more people collecting around the area, wanting to aid Jonny the best they could: without understanding what was happening. "Mummy- shit, Jonny; just- it'll be ok, I promise." Hushed Adam- despite his brother's unconsciousness-not even sounding convincing: trying to soothe his seizing though having little success.

* * *

Adam kept glancing down at his right wrist, wanting to know how long he would have to remain within the waiting room: wanting nothing but to see his ill brother; alas- the more he observed his watch- the more he watched the minutes tick, the more his anxiety persisted. Considering he had been the one to accompany his sibling: Jonny to the hospital, he had had to endure feelings of anxiousness without his parents for an hour before they- eventually- arrived, the boy's grandmother accompanying them: still dressed in her wedding dress. Upon their arrival, they had offered Adam a bottle of water- after noticing his anxiety- which he had accepted and had sipped at as the hours continued. Every time he felt the drink quelling his anxiety, he would observe his watch- wanting to know how long he would have to remain within the waiting room before being allowed to see his ill brother- and would return to square fucking one. Of course, he wasn't alone when feeling such anxiety but- despite his: mother, father and grandmother feeling the effects of the emotion- he couldn't help but feel abandoned and alone in the situation: all he wanted was to know that his brother was going to be ok, _if_ he was going to be ok.

"Doctor?" Whispered Jackie: her voice strained and without moisture, making it difficult to listen to. "Please, how is Jonny?" The doctor- Dr. Khean- swallowed, wincing at the mention of his current patient: Jonny Goodman; of course, he had treated patients in similar conditions to Jonny but none as serious and unwell as he- currently- was: most of his previously-treated patients had had chances of survival but Jonathan's chance of survival were of the Goodman's eyes observed the doctors solemn expression, understanding that something was wrong with Jonny- the doctors expression allowing them to understand that the circumstances were worse than expected. Upon noticing the doctor's expression, Adams thoughts became relentless with the amount of possible causes to his brothers sudden, unexpected episode of fainting and seizing.

"Come." Dr. Khean motioned for the relatives to accompany him to Jonny's cubicle: the unsettling beeping of monitors filling their ears as they continued down the corridor, eventually arriving at their destination. Jonny had remained unconscious throughout their journey to the hospital and was- still- unaware of their presence, considering he hadn't woken.

"So, doctor; what is the matter with my grandson?" Adam and Jonny's grandmother questioned, eyebrows raised as she sat alongside her resting grandson: eyes fixated upon the rise and fall of his chest. Dr. Khean exhaled- the exhale being deep and holding an obvious amount of emotion- as he clutched his tablet within his settling, once-shaking hands.

"I do apologise for what I am about to say, Mr. and Mrs. Goodman but your son is- terminally- ill." The tablet became alight with shots of what was- presumably- MRI scans of Jonny's brain: attracting Martins and Jackie's attentions, somewhat diverting their attentions away from their ill son. "He has an abnormal mass surrounding his brain and it appears to be swollen, severely so. Unfortunately- the mass wasn't noticed earlier- which has allowed the cancer to be extensive. All we are able to do is perform surgery in hopes that we will be able to reduce the mass and prevent it from spreading."

Adams expression contorted, trying to comprehend what was happening- trying to comprehend what the doctor had just told him and his relatives- wanting this to be an unpleasant, tormenting nightmare; this could _not_ be happening, Jonny didn't have cancer, Jonny- his brother- _couldn't_ have cancer.

"I understand this is difficult for you but we need your consent to proceed; it is an urgent matter and needs to be addressed." Jackie appeared to be in the same circumstance as Adam: not believing what was happening. Jackie's expression- too- contorted, the woman appeared to be having an internal duel with herself: not wanting this to be reality, not wanting her youngest son to have cancer.

"I-" Stuttered Martin: his voice strained, difficulty accepting the situation written upon his face-collecting the consent form within his shaking, now-porcelain hands- eyes never abandoning his ill son.

However- managing to interrupt Martin- came another seizure: Jonny's body began to- once again- contort: muscle spasms tormenting each of his limbs, making him convulse upon the bed. Spit dribbled from the corner of his mouth, audible moans escaping his withered lips as he continued to seize. Adam cringed- noticing as the veins upon Jonny's hands and neck became prominent, alike his previous seizure- Jonny's relatives being held away by several nurses who were attempting to soothe him throughout his seizing.

"Shit on it. Jonny!" Pleaded Martin, watching as his son seized: nurses attempting to medicate him in attempts to ease the seizing- though, nothing appeared to be aiding his condition. "In this moment, we need parental consent to proceed."

"I cannot sign this without-" Jackie interjected: interrupting Martins relentless thoughts-eyes struggling for something to focus upon- considering how faint and ill the situation had caused her to feel; she felt sick knowing that her youngest son had been plagued with cancer. How could she sign the consent form knowing that there was still a possibility that Jonny could die due to the tumour? How could she sign the consent form knowing that she could lose her youngest son, despite what the doctors claimed would help?

"We need parental consent to proceed." Martin swallowed- searching his wife for answers- not knowing what to do, himself: though, desperately wanting to help his son.

"I-" Seconds later, realising the seriousness of their sons condition- wanting to aid their seizing son: unable to continue watching the events unfold for further minutes- the Goodmans signed the consent forms and watched as several nurses and Dr. Khean escorted their son to surgery, understanding that their lives would never be the same again.

* * *

When Jonny- first- woke: he moaned about his unclear vision, intense faintness and unpleasant headache which appeared to be persisting symptoms of his cancer. His eyes didn't focus upon anything- not even his relatives- and the disorientation and uncomfortableness was obvious upon his expression, despite his sedation. Jonny only managed to remain awake for several minutes, the time awake being so little that the doctor: Dr. Khean wasn't given chance to explain what was happening and whereabouts he was. Jonny only managed to remain awake for several minutes, the time awake being so little that the doctor: Dr. Khean wasn't given chance to explain the unpleasant situation and diagnosis that he had had to inform Jonny's relatives about several hours beforehand. Jonny only managed to remain awake for several minutes, after which he became unconscious- once again- body flaccid upon the bed, his mother: Jackie stroking his feverish cheek in soothing motions.

The second time Jonny woke, he woke in excruciation- whimpers and the odd scream escaping his lips-making the Goodmans certain that he was in an unpleasant amount of discomfort, alerting them to the need of a doctor. Of course, his relatives- especially his brother: Adam- attempted to soothe him throughout the experience but their attempts were little help. Their attempts at soothing him did little to stop his unclear vision, intense faintness and unpleasant headache which was- now- manifesting as a vomiting episode.

"Oh- shit- Jonny; it's ok, it's going to be ok." Adam attempted to comfort his brother, stroking his brothers shaking back: watching as he vomited into the basin- though his comfort wasn't convincing- each word said a lie, of course his brother wasn't _"ok."_ Adam had- already- noticed the severity of his brother's condition: he had watched previous events unfold and had each been disturbing enough to shock him into reality. Of course, acceptance was something he had to work on- it was difficult enough understanding that his brother had cancer- let alone having to accept what was happening.

Desperate to aid his son, Martin commenced his search for a doctor as each other relative attempted to soothe Jonny: who's vomiting episode was- slowly- easing, considering his stomach was-likely- emptying at a volant pace: the only food he had eaten throughout the previous days had been tube given and had been in very little amounts.

"Mum-" Whispered Jonny, weakly-once his vomiting had- significantly- slowed- desperation for his mother to comfort him or make her presence known obvious upon his expression: tears slipping onto his porcelain, sweat-coated cheeks.

"I'm here, Jonny." Jackie assured, hugging her son from behind- leaning her chin on his fragile shoulder- Adams hand readjusting to be: placed within his brother's hand, another stroking his brothers matted, sweat-coated hair in soothing motions. Their grandmother: Eleanor- also- contributed to the comfort, adjusting the position of her chair: which allowed her to be closer to her grandson in order to stroke his arm as his vomiting came to an eventual halt. Jonny- immediately- leant into his brother's touch, melting into his mother's arms- too weak to remain sat up straight, himself- as several nurses collected around the scene: noting Jonny's vitals, checking Jonny's bloods and fluids-ensuring everything was correct before exiting the cubicle and informing Dr. Khean that his patient was conscious.

* * *

Days had ticked-said days appearing to have been an amount of several months- since Jonny's relatives had been informed of his unfortunate circumstances: his diagnosis still fresh and failing to settle within their minds. Jonny- on the other hand- had slept on and off throughout the days, his exhaustion evident to each of the Goodmans and his grandmother: Miss. Buller. Fortunately- throughout one day- Jonny had managed to remain awake long enough for Dr. Khean to have the chance to inform him of the circumstances but- due to his on and off alertness-he still had had little time to talk to his relatives about how he felt, expect for telling them he didn't want others to know about what was happening. However- despite Jonny obviously not wanting others to know about his illness-it was becoming apparent to the Goodmans that his illness was being discovered by numerous other relatives and friends: including, Jackie's best friend: Valerie Lewis, who had travelled to meet Jonny in hospital. Jim and Liz had even made their visits to the hospital in order to see Jonny, their presences having mixed reactions amongst the Goodmans- considering how annoying the duo tended to be- still, they had stayed to pay their condolences and had left shortly afterwards, leaving the family in silence(with the exception of the steady beeps registering Jonny's heartbeat).

Throughout the days, the Goodmans- with the exception of Eleanor- had rarely left Jonny's bedside, the doctors allowing them to remain with him throughout such an extensive amount of time, the doctors understanding the relatives desires to be there for him. When it came to Jonny, the doctors were- often- considerate when allowing the Goodmans to stay with him; even if doctors offered to stay with him while the Goodmans returned home to rest, the Goodmans- especially Adam- became reluctant and remained where they were. To increase their consideration- noticing the Goodmans hadn't eaten- doctors would assign nurses to feed the family with free sandwiches and packets of flavoured crisps: which was- often- an uncommon occurrence with other patients and their relatives; this occurred even if the Goodmans refused to touch the food or claimed they weren't hungry. This occurrence seemed to be an unexplained form of favouritism Dr. Khean was strict on, it was obvious he felt intense remorse for the family. Dr. Khean was most remorseful for Adam, who had had the worst effect upon hearing the news of Jonnys condition: he felt broken knowing his younger brother was this ill and there was little he could do to ease his pain- all he wanted was to be able to take the condition from his brother and make it his own.

To be honest, Adam preferred the circumstances when his brother was sleeping; in his opinion, when his brother was sleeping he was incapable of feeling the emotional pain of the situation, something that'd- hopefully- ease the physical pain caused by his tumour. However- Jonny did wake on the occasion- and when he did wake, he'd complain about the amount of people fussing over him: all the unusual delicate touches and uncommon soft voices he was receiving from each of his relatives were beginning to irritate him and were- obviously- making him uncomfortable, despite loud noises causing his headache to worsen. Jonny hated the amount of attention he was receiving, especially from his: mother, father and older brother: all their caution and attentions were making him feel breakable and vulnerable, something he never wanted upon hearing he had a brain tumour: all he wanted was for everything to return to normal, despite his condition. Of course, he appreciated their care and tried not resent it- sometimes he _wanted_ it: he wanted his mother to hold him while he was too weak to sit up straight or while he experienced another seizure, he wanted his older brother to stroke his matted hair and hold his sweat-coated hands and he wanted his father to sit alongside his mother in attempts to calm her- but- other times- everything was quite overwhelming, their mothering was over-the-top. He felt smothered- unable to breathe- when they cared too much and fussed over him too often: it was becoming a little much, it was becoming an irritation more than anything else.

He hated being treated differently just because of his diagnosis; Jonny- especially- resented how differently Adam was treating him, despite his attempts to feel thankful: of course, he was his younger brother but he felt like Adam was beginning to baby him. Despite how awful it sounded, he preferred it when he and his brother were roughhousing- like they usually would- or whenever they were pranking each other with whatever they could get their hands on. Adam had barely dared to touch him since his diagnosis: all he dared to do was stroke his matted hair and hold his sweat-coated hands- actions that were painfully out of character for his older brother. Another thing he resented but tried not was his mothers and fathers renewed sense of favouritism; often, Adam tended to be their favourite child- something he tried not to care about but did- but since his diagnosis, this fact had somewhat changed: it was odd receiving more love and attention from his relatives and friends.

Yes, he understood his condition was difficult for them but this was becoming uncomfortable: having them fussing like they were was just- it was just- a fucking shitting mess.

* * *

**Another Story to Follow **


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